The Practicing Progressive

I am going to try not to get hysterical here…but when I see what this Communistic, socialistic, tree-hugging, Hitler-following president is trying to foist on innocent God-fearing, freedom-loving, patriotic Americans, I can’t help but want to shout out from the floor of Congress, “You are a liar!” What better way to express the outrage we loyalists are feeling as we watch our nation plummet into the pit of a socialistic prison? God bless America that we have such brave men as Representative Joe (“The Shouter”) Smith of South Carolina who, in the fine tradition so admirably employed by Messieurs Limbaugh and Beck and other true patriots, was not to be constrained by two hundred and thirty years of noble tradition and boldly heckled that white-hating racist we have for a president.

But I mustn’t let my emotions get the better of me. Still, when I think of what those traitors are trying to do to our beloved health care system, I could just sob…and design clever placards of B. Hussein Obama with a little moustache…and shout down any attempt at reasonable discourse…and laugh when gangs of fatigue wearing freedom fighters show up with chips on their shoulders and guns on their hips. It just takes you back to those wonderful years when uppity boys knew their place and the closest any of them would have gotten to the White House was mowing the west lawn.

I best take a deep breath here and compose myself but it is so hard when you reflect on all the hard work that has gone into creating a system where real Americans can climb boldly to the top of the ladder of success without the infringement of socialistic infidels demanding we actually give a rat’s-a** about those below. If they only wait a little longer they’ll get trickled down upon, you bet.

I can feel my blood pressure rising even now as I think of all the hard work our former president put into expanding our national debt with his semi-impressive but wholly inspirational invasion of Iraq while at the same time allowing Wall Street to go on a financial frenzy unfettered by governmental goons. Is it any wonder our brave Republican men and women in congress are so outraged? What of Bush’s legacy? It’s hidden, of course, somewhere amidst the trillions being spent to counteract all the hard work that great American accomplished in his eight short years in office.
Then there is the sad fate of our “Birther” brothers and sisters who sought to save our constitutional republic by unequivocally providing proof that you-know-who isn’t even a real American-born citizen. I know I can speak for millions of patriotic partisans when I say that the Republic of Kenya’s birth certificate proving his birth in Mombasa and thus utter unfitness for his present office was absolutely authentic. I know, I know, but a little thing like the fact that Mombasa wasn’t a part of the Republic of Kenya when the absolutely authentic birth certificate was filed shouldn’t dissuade us from the truth! The man is an imposter!

Easy, boy. Another deep breath. But when I think of what that man did to the millions of innocent school children this past Tuesday, I could just explode. Imagine someone like the great George H.W. Bush perpetrating such a propagandist attack over the TV! Worse, just picture G. W. B. or dear Laura trying to do the same thing! Oh, the horror! The horror! Is it any wonder hundreds of the faithful refused to allow their children to hear a U.S. president’s message? Who can blame them when there are so many other more reliable resources available? Just knowing our children can be inspired by the likes of such stalwarts of American values as Rush and Glenn and Jon and Kate makes Obama’s pitiful attempt at propaganda so ridiculous, don’t you think?

I want my America back! An America before there were death panels sending Sarah Palin’s grandmother to the great beyond! An America when people knew their place and everyone stayed right where they belonged! An America where regular folks like me and you didn’t worry about the government intruding on our lives! An America where health care was a privilege and not a right! An America where the poor weren’t so pushy and most politicians were Presbyterians! An America that demanded self-reliance and rewarded our independent, pull- yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps spirit! Oh those were the days! And we’re going to take them back, I’m telling you! Now! Now! Now!

Or just as soon as I pick up this month’s Social Security check.